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My "Lucky" Day 
11th-Nov-2005 08:36 pm
{callie & arizona} elevator love
Ok, so lets see here.

My whole coming out story is really, well.. whole. I've yet to come out to my parents. But there seems to be that common understanding, hush hush deal of knowing. But, I've come out to my friends, and pretty much everyone else out there.

But, anyways. On with it.

I was in 8th grade, at the time. Shy as hell. I had a friend who I was kinda close to. She was in all my classes, she told me things she didn't tell others.. hell, we even had the same name. One day, her and I got into a discussion in Math class. She was ranting about how gay men were hot, but lesbians were gross. She couldn't stand the whole girl on girl concept. To her, it was dirty, sick etc. But guy on guy was completely fine to her. So, as she was bashing lesbians, I was sticking up for us (woo us!). From then, she asked jokingly, "So, what. Are you gay now?" And I laughed and laughed and put it off. Next period, we were writing notes back and forth to each other, and it somehow turned back to the gay question. I denied it, until she said "It's ok if you are, I don't care. I'm not going to tell anyone". So, I told her.
Thought things were fine, until lunch when, while walking downtown I saw her with a group of mutual friends. One girl yelled out "Hey Aleasha, are you ga-" until the girl I told hit her, as to say shut up. Horrifying. The next two weeks were hell. She completely avoided me, as did everyone else. And I had every kid in the school come up to me and ask if I was gay. Who asks that, really. BUT summer came and things were fine.

Til the next school year. Everyone seemed to forget (YES!) until she brought it up in Science. So, as a result, my last 3 years of high school, I've been known as "That lesbian chick". What a fun label. If I'd have known, I'd never had come out.
12th-Nov-2005 06:34 am (UTC)
im a "that lesbian chick" as well

12th-Nov-2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
WOO! Let's start our own clique of "Those Lesbian Chicks!"
4th-Dec-2005 02:29 am (UTC)
your experience sounds a lot like mine...i just wish i could go back in time and give the old me a make over and a confidence boost, i had no idea how to hide myself back then, i had no idea how to be proud.
7th-Dec-2005 02:23 pm (UTC)
you know, i'd love a shirt that said "i'm that lesbian chick" lol.

i think you rock. the bravery it took to say yes in that moment is so self defining. it's a shame the way people react when they have such limited exposure to being gay or gay people.

are you still in high school, how are you coping?
do you take a lot of abuse because of it?

about the parents thing, at least with them you get to pick your moment, that others out us is so unfair it turns it from a moment where we state with pride who we are to a reaction in pride and most of the time fear. i hope that whatever college you will go to/are going to has a community that you can join to wash away that feeling of wishing you hadn't come out. what you are, and who you are is the best thing in the world. lol, even if i wasn't a big ole dyke by nature i know i'd choose it in a heartbeat.
8th-Dec-2005 02:11 am (UTC)
I am still in high school, yes. But it's my last year, if all goes well (and I think it is) It's weird tho. You'd think after 3 1/2 years, people would stop staring and just leave it alone, but no, of course not.
I do get alot of abuse. My school is the type where everyone talks about one another. I've heard people talking about me, infront of me. It's... just weird. The other day, two girls passed me and of course, one of them just had to comment "She's gay.." Right infront of me.

I think a huge friendly gang of lesbians, wearing "That lesbian chick" shirts need to invade my town, and inject a bit of acceptability and queerness to this community. It's almost sickening at times, how conservative it is.
8th-Dec-2005 03:35 pm (UTC)
now that would be a trip! (cut scene in my head lol)

that sounds so hard. my heart completely goes out to you. i know how i would feel if it was happening to me, and i know how i'd feel if it was my son cause he's gay too.

about the only thing i can say is the same thing happens out here though it's in my control, to be like hell yeah i am! and make other obnoxious comments. of course i'm gay, what could be more beautiful that a woman? or yeah i'm a dyke, you don't like to suck dick, why would i? or if challanged at all my all time favorite: you think i should be with a guy/you? first my girl is hot. she has parts you don't have and can't get even with an operation. second, if you don't want to have sex with a man why would you push it on me? have you ever looked down? i mean that's totally grosse. where girls are just beautiful.. and third, that thing you have between your legs, oh please, i have a vibrator at home that is as large or small as i want it to be, doesn't smell funny, doesn't have conversations like this with me, doesn't shoot any foul smelling any thing, can't give me an std, or get me pregnant, never gets soft, spins around, vibrates and isn't attached to ... well, you. so why do you think i would need a man? you might want to save that last one for a few years though, usually the guy in question looks completely emasculated. lol.

some day you will look back on this time with a completely different view of it. the things you are going through sound so much like what my future wife went through when she was in high school. it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces knowing that it is still happening to you gals out there. she says that if she could go back and answer those people now, she would react differently, with a voice of power and pride, making funny quips instead of pretending she didn't hear or reacting from fear.

i think women are the worse at abusing us, because they aren't straight forward about it, and i think most of them must be afraid to be us and so their inner cruelty is projected onto us. most of those women that i've dealt with i treat as a sister. i just look into their eyes and smile and kinda laugh and say hey it's cool that you dig guys. i just don't. i mean women are,,,amazing...and besides you ever look at a penis. ewww. and laugh. that usually makes them laugh.
they aren't use to hearing some one turn the tables, allow them to like guys and make a joke out of something they think too.

and i think when they say something back that's rude or obnoxious that i just met a lesbian who is so afraid to come out that she will bash me. so cool. i out her to herself. i look her up and down, and smile like i know something she doesn't, cause i do. i say kinda quietly. hmmm sounds like you have some issues huh? pretty strong feelings about that whole lesbian thing huh? funny that you feel so strongly about that. you wouldn't feel that strongly about me spending my time watching a tv show you don't like. i laugh. and as i am walking away i say ~ maybe you should be thinking to yourself instead of aloud. that usually makes sure they won't be bashing any other lesbian ever, and i don't think any one likes having some one else know their secret.

when you get out there next year into the other world its so different. there are pride parades and communities where you belong. just hold on to your dreams and plan your future.
this pain, this time it will pass.
8th-Dec-2005 03:39 pm (UTC)
oh hey, after thought. we belong to netflix and my son has found it really helpful to watch their gay selections. they have scads. i just thought, i don't know if your parents would be up for it or if you could on your own. but it would help maybe to make you feel not so alone in this time.
14th-Jan-2006 06:47 am (UTC)
For me, before I realized I was bi, I was awed and fascinated, and slightly worshipful, of other queer girls. I remember just trying to find ways to be around them, talk to them, etc. Like an annoying puppy chasing at your heels. I know this sounds messed up, but I should have realized then.

And uh...I'm still sort of like this. For me it was the opposite. It was just being very interested. And then of course, this was around the time my best friend and I became friends. I was VERY fascinated by her and still am. This is why I'm convinced there's just no way she could be straight, even though she hasn't told me one way or the other.

I know this must make me sound like the biggest weirdo in the world, but I promise I'm not. I think there's one person in the world who's a bigger one.
14th-Jan-2006 02:21 pm (UTC)
Heh, no you don't sound like a weirdo at all. I was fascinated by my first best friend also, and it seems my mind won't let go of her.
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